


Lost Without You

by Heavenli24



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, LoVe AU Week, Only One Bed, VM AU Week 2020, lv au week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:02:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23280658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavenli24/pseuds/Heavenli24
Summary: Veronica's in town for Wallace's birthday weekend and encounters an unexpected guest. For VM AU Week 2020 Day 2: Only One Bed
Relationships: Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars
Comments: 30
Kudos: 114
Collections: LV AU WEEK 2020





	Lost Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Irma66 for her awesome beta skills and suggestions :).

Veronica closes the rental car door and looks up at the large home before her. Adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder and gripping the gift in her hand, she takes a deep, steadying breath as she starts to walk up the driveway. She's a few feet from the house when a shiny BMW pulls up to her left, and she raises her eyebrows in disbelief when the driver exits the car.

Pursing her lips and furrowing her brow, she strides over to the newcomer, anger rising in her chest. "What the hell are you doing here?"

He frowns for a moment, before his expression clears and one side of his mouth lifts up in a smirk.

"I'm attending my good friend's birthday weekend. You?"

"You're not supposed to be here!" she grinds out. "We agreed, remember?"

"Hmm." He tilts his head in thought and taps his chin with his finger. "Did we? I seem to remember _you_ agreed. Me? Not so much."

"No, I distinctly remember the conversation we had where you said you would call Wallace and tell him you would no longer be able to attend this little shindig."

"Hmm," he says again. She clenches her jaw in frustration; he's deliberately pissing her off now. "Did I, though?"

Veronica presses her lips together and forces herself to take a calming breath before speaking again.

"So, you didn't even call him," she surmises. "Well, that's just fucking perfect. Now what are we gonna do?"

The sound of the front door opening draws both their attention, and Veronica turns to see Wallace standing in the doorway, looking at them in puzzlement.

" _There_ you two are," he says. "Planning on coming inside anytime soon?"

"Of course, Wallace," Logan calls back pleasantly, reaching for Veronica's hand, much to her annoyance. "We'll be right in."

"Hey!" Veronica hisses, trying to free her hand from his, even as he grips her fingers even tighter. "Stop that."

"No," he says, lightly. "It's show-time, _Mars_. Come on, you wouldn't want to disappoint your best friend and all those guests in there, now, would you?" He looks at her thoughtfully. "Or do you just want to come clean with everyone?"

Veronica closes her eyes briefly, trying to rein in her anger, before pinning him with a glare. "This isn't the time or the place. Do you _want_ to ruin Wallace's party with this? I thought he was your friend?"

"Hey, I'm not the one trying to get away here." He raises their clasped hands and gives them a shake. "I'm all for putting on a show."

"Fine." She sighs. "Since you reneged on our agreement—"

" _Your_ agreement."

"—but as soon as this weekend is over, that's it. I'm done."

"Great." He flashes her a grin. "Come on, then."

Logan practically drags her into the house, greeting Wallace with a one-armed hug.

"Great to see you, dude," he says cheerfully. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks, man." Wallace gives a nod, before turning to grin at Veronica, his arms held out to her. "Vee, my girl, good to see you back in good ole SoCal."

"Glad to be back," she greets with a smile, forcefully tugging her hand from Logan's and stepping forward to hug him. "New York City is great and all, but it has nothing on this beautiful California sunshine."

Logan plucks the gift from her fingers and as Wallace steps back, he hands it to him. "From both of us."

"Aw, thanks, guys," says Wallace appreciatively

"Our pleasure," says Veronica sweetly, shooting Logan a glare when her best friend isn't looking.

"Well, go on in, make yourselves at home." Their host gestures down the hallway towards the living room. "I'll be back in a minute; gotta grab some more beer."

Wallace disappears into the kitchen leaving Veronica and Logan alone in the foyer.

"' _From both of us'_?" Veronica whips around to face him, her eyes flashing with anger. "You couldn't have brought your own gift?"

Logan shrugs unapologetically, shoving his hands into his pockets. "It would have looked weird if we'd shown up with separate gifts. People might have assumed we weren't together anymore."

Veronica looks at him as if he's grown two heads. "Logan, we _aren't_ together anymore."

He shrugs again. "We're still married."

"Only because you haven't bothered to sign the divorce papers yet," she spits out. "How long have you had them now?"

"I'm being thorough, okay?" he shoots back. "Can't be too careful with these things."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Logan, I'm not after your _money_." Veronica glares at him. "I just want all this over with, so I can move on with my life. Something that would be a whole lot easier if you would actually do what you say you're going to."

Logan just stares down at her for a long moment, his dark eyes narrowed, before he shakes his head and steps back. "Fuck this, I need a drink."

As he turns his back on her and starts down the hall, she calls after him, repeating her first question, "Why are you _here_ , Logan?"

He simply turns, holds his hands out and lifts his shoulders in a shrugging gesture and then grins, before disappearing into the other room.

"Jesus Christ," Veronica mutters to herself, before reluctantly following in the same direction.

* * *

Veronica spends as much of the party as she can avoiding Logan without actually making it look like she's avoiding him. She inserts herself into as many conversations as possible and when he starts heading her way, she cuts him off with a quick "Just gonna grab us some more drinks," and leaves him with the people she's been talking to.

She heads into the kitchen and pours two drinks with much more force than necessary, still pissed that he's put her in this position. They'd agreed weeks ago that she would attend Wallace's birthday weekend, and he would call and explain that something had come up and he wouldn't be able to make it after all. Of course, it's fucking typical that he didn't even bother to do that and decided to come anyway. He's doing it deliberately, just to piss her off… and yeah, it's working.

Taking a deep breath, she heads back into the living room and approaches the group she left Logan with.

"Here you go, hon," she says with faux sweetness, handing him one of the drinks.

"Thanks, Sugarpuss." He shoots her a grin as he takes it and lifts it to his lips.

Before she can formulate a plan to get away from him, he slips one hand around her waist and tugs her closer. Her eyes widen and she gives a sharp intake of breath at both the unexpected movement and the feel of his warm body against hers. They haven't shared close contact like this in months.

As much as she would love to shove him away and tell him where to stick it, she's surrounded by people who think they are still happily married and in love, so she either has to play her part, or confess their failings. She pastes on a smile and slides her arm around his waist too, pinching his skin through his shirt. He straightens, his jaw visibly clenching, though he keeps the relaxed smile on his face as if nothing is wrong at all.

_Bastard_.

"So, Veronica, Logan," says Rebecca, one of Shae's friends. "How's life in New York?"

"It's great," Logan pipes up. "The magazine is pulling in some great numbers, and Veronica's doing well at her new law firm."

"That's good to hear." Rebecca nods. "And are you guys thinking of starting a family soon?"

Veronica stiffens at the question and she feels Logan's fingers flex against her side in response.

"Oh, um…" She deliberately doesn't look at Logan as she struggles to come up with a suitable response. "Well, I mean, we're both so busy with work and everything right now, so uh…"

"Excuse me," says Logan smoothly as he releases her and nods across the room. "Gotta go see a man about a… surf trip."

Veronica lets out a sigh of relief as he makes his way towards a friend of Wallace's he used to surf with, while the conversation in the small group around her turns to real estate in the local area.

* * *

"Well, this is just fucking perfect."

Veronica huffs a few hours later as she takes in the bedroom before her, noting the large king-size bed in the middle of it. She turns to Logan, eyebrows raised as she crosses her arms over her chest and looks up at him expectantly.

He just shrugs noncommittally. "Don't know what you expect me to do about it. It's not my house."

"Yeah, but it's your fault we're in this situation," she shoots back. "All you had to do was make one fucking phone call giving your apologies and you couldn't even do that."

He faces her head on, mirroring her crossed-arms position. "Why do _I_ have to be the one who misses out?"

She looks at him like he's just grown two heads. "Uh, because Wallace is _my_ best friend?"

"Well, he's my friend, too."

"Geez, Logan, what are you, twelve?" Veronica scoffs, shaking her head. "You couldn't just let me have this one weekend?"

His eyes narrow for a moment, his mouth twisting, ready for a sarcastic retort, but then his expression clears.

"Geez, _Veronica_. Don't be so uptight. It's only _one_ weekend. It's only _one_ night." He makes a show of rolling his eyes. "Besides, we've shared a bed thousands of times. I'm sure we can manage one more."

She takes a step closer, looking up at him warily. "What game are you playing here, Logan?"

He uncrosses his arms and gives another shrug. "No game."

"And why don't I believe you?"

Logan stares down at her for a moment, before he leans in close and bops her nose with one finger. "You know what your problem is, Mars? You're just too damn suspicious."

He moves past her, grabbing his bag and heading for the en-suite bathroom, leaving Veronica glaring after him.

When he closes the door behind him, she groans. "Why do these things always happen to me?"

Taking the opportunity of having a few moments alone, she pulls her nightwear out of her own bag and quickly changes into it, before pulling out her washbag and starting her nightly cleansing routine. By the time Logan emerges from the bathroom, she's finished wiping the make-up from her face and has moved on to moisturising her legs, sitting on the bed with one foot propped up on it as she smooths lotion over her skin.

An odd, almost strangled noise comes from her left and she turns her head to see Logan staring at her, his bag dangling loosely from his fingers.

"What?" she snaps in irritation.

"Nothing." He shakes his head quickly, looking caught off-guard for a second, before his lips quirk up in an amused smirk. "Nice outfit."

Veronica looks down at herself self-consciously, belatedly realising that her choice of clothing wasn't the wisest, given their current circumstances. She's clad in boy shorts and one of Logan's old college t-shirts.

"What of it?" she shoots back quickly.

"Just thought you'd have burned all my stuff by now."

"Well, it's comfortable," she defends, "I didn't have much time to pack and this was the first thing I grabbed."

"If you say so."

Veronica finishes up with the lotion, forcefully snapping the bottle closed, before standing and grabbing her wash bag again. She rounds the bed and shoves past him into the bathroom, deliberately not looking at the way his plain white t-shirt hugs every muscle in his arms and torso and how his tight boxer-briefs leave nothing to the imagination. Once inside, she locks the door behind her and leans back against it, letting out a heavy breath.

"Shit."

She gives herself a moment, before pushing away from the door. She brushes her teeth, splashes water on her face and then stares at herself in the mirror for a long moment, steeling herself, before squaring her shoulders and opening the door again.

When she steps back into the bedroom, she finds Logan already in the bed, sitting propped up against the pillows. The light on his nightstand is on, and he has a book in his hands and wire-rimmed glasses perched on his nose.

The sight startles her for a moment, memories of happier times flooding her mind, before she shakes herself out of it and narrows her eyes at him.

"You'd better not spend all night reading," she warns as she starts pulling extra pillows off the bed. "I need my beauty rest and you know I can't sleep with the light on."

He just shrugs and says flippantly, "So wear your eye mask."

Her jaw clenches and she sneers at him. "Ugh! You are so infuriating!"

She grabs a couple of the unwanted pillows and starts arranging them down the centre of the bed. Logan looks up from his book and gives an incredulous chuckle.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Creating a barrier," she says, lining up the pillows. "You stay on your side of it, and I'll stay on mine, got it?"

He snorts. "Seriously, Veronica? Now who's acting like they're twelve? Worried I'm gonna give you cooties or something?"

"No," she returns defensively. "I just think it would be better all around if we keep as far away from each other as possible."

With a roll of his eyes, he puts the book down on the nightstand and grabs the pillows from the bed, tossing them to the floor on his side of the bed.

"We don't need the Goddamn pillows," he says, picking up the book and finding his place again. "I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise."

She glares first at the pillows, then at him, before she grinds out, "Fine. So will I."

Yanking back the covers on her side, she climbs in, fluffing her remaining pillow and settling down on her side, deliberately shifting to the edge of the bed, as far from him as possible, and turning her back to him.

She closes her eyes and tries to fall asleep, but the light from Logan's side is too bright for her to relax.

"For the record," she mutters, a hand over her eyes, "I don't have an eye mask anymore. Haven't needed one since you moved out."

There's silence from his side of the bed, and she's tempted to turn to see his reaction, but then she hears him sigh and put the book down, and a moment later the room is bathed in darkness.

"Better?" he asks.

She removes her hand from her eyes. "Thank you."

* * *

Veronica wakes the next morning feeling well-rested and content, all cocooned in the warm bedcovers. Her eyes still closed, she's reluctant to move, not wanting to end the best night of sleep she's had in a long time. Wallace and Shae must have invested in some seriously comfortable mattresses when they bought this place…. maybe she should ask if she can stay another night, if only to catch up on some much-needed sleep.

She's about to relax back into the pillow again, get in a bit more rest before she has to drag herself out of bed, when she realises she's not alone. Not only that, but there's a warm body snuggled right up against her back, and an arm slung around her waist… and, oh fuck, morning wood pressing into her bottom.

She stiffens, eyes flying open as memories of the day before slam into her. Memories of Logan showing up to Wallace's party unexpectedly. Of him pissing her off all afternoon and evening. Of discovering they were expected to share a bed, because no one here knows they're separated and getting a divorce.

_Shit. Fuck. Crap._

She tries to slide out from under Logan's arm without disturbing him… but of course, he wakes the second she moves and tightens his arm around her, pulling her back against him.

"Sneaking off, are we?" he mumbles against her hair.

She sighs. "Let me go, Logan."

"No," he says stubbornly.

"What happened to keeping your hands to yourself?" she demands to know. "You know, that promise you made?"

"Hey, I can't control what I do in my sleep," he responds, seemingly unconcerned. "Not like I did it on purpose."

Her eyebrows raise, disbelieving. "No?"

"No," he replies. "I didn't."

"Okay, so, get off me, then."

"Not yet," he murmurs. "Just let me have this moment."

"Come on," her voice comes out with a hint of pleading, even though she's trying for annoyed. "Stop. You can't do this."

"Do what?" he asks. "I'm not trying to fuck you, you know."

She rolls her eyes. "The erection pressing against my butt suggests otherwise."

"I just want to remember…" he says softly. "Just for a minute."

"Logan…" She sighs. "We can't. Not anymore."

"Shh," is all he says, burying his nose in her neck.

Helpless to resist, Veronica closes her eyes at the sensation of his fingers tracing small circles over her stomach, of his warm breath against his neck, of his muscular, now shirtless body moulded against her back. She's missed this. Missed him.

_I'll give him his one minute,_ she decides. _One minute to reminisce and then we go our separate ways._

One minute stretches into five and she still hasn't pushed him away.

_What are you doing, Veronica?_ she thinks to herself. _You're supposed to be divorcing this man, not snuggling with him._

She's about to shift away from him, tell him that's enough, that they can't do this anymore, when he starts speaking.

"I'm sorry," His voice is so soft, only just above a whisper, that she almost doesn't catch his words.

"What?" she whispers back.

"I'm sorry, Veronica."

She's about to respond with a snarky reply, but something in his tone gives her pause, so she stays silent, biting her lip as she waits for him to continue.

"I messed everything up." His voice sounds choked. "I didn't want any of this."

"Logan, don't." She can't hear this, can't deal with it. "Please. What's done is done. It's over."

"No, Veronica," he says, "this isn't how things are supposed to be."

Veronica closes her eyes against the tears threatening to fall. "No, Logan. We tried. It didn't work. We couldn't make it work."

"I love you, Veronica." He sounds anguished now. "I've always loved you. We can fix this, fix us. I know we can."

"No, we can't," she manages, even as her heart stutters at his words. "It's too late."

"It's never too late," he states with conviction. "If we love each other, we can make it through anything."

Veronica lets out a soft, sad snort at his romantic notions. "We can love each other all we like, but that won't just magically fix all our problems."

"You still love me?" He sounds timid, unsure, even though it's obvious he's trying not to let it show.

"I never said I didn't," she murmurs. "But sometimes, love just isn't enough."

"It's a start, though, right?"

The raw emotion in his voice makes her turn in his arms and face him. He's looking at her with an expression that never fails to make her heart skip, one that's a mixture of love and hope and expectation.

"Logan…" She looks at him sadly. "We can't go back. We tried to move past it, put it all behind us, and it still tore us apart."

His expression turns into one of determination. "All I want, all I need, is _you_ , Veronica."

His confession tugs at something deep inside her, something she desperately wants to give in to, but she can't. They need to think rationally here, because letting their feelings get in the way only leads to heartbreak.

"Logan, no…"

"I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately," he continues, as if she hasn't spoken, "and as much as I really would love to be a father, I love _you_ more."

"Stop," she pleads, unable to take this, not now, not after everything.

"Listen to me, Veronica," he says seriously, one hand coming up to stroke her hair. "These last few months without you have been the worst of my life… and I've been through some horrific shit. I know what I said before, but losing you has put everything in perspective for me. I need you, Veronica, more than anything else."

Veronica blinks at the turnaround in his stance. Just four months ago, he'd been so insistent that his life wouldn't be complete without kids. After months and months of trying, and two unsuccessful rounds of IVF, it became clear children were never going to be part of their future, and by the end of it, after all the stress and strain on their relationship, their marriage was in tatters.

They'd tried so hard to work through it, had even considered adoption at one point, but things were too far gone to salvage. Veronica started hating herself for not being able to conceive, unable to stand the thought of Logan feeling unhappy and unfulfilled in their marriage, always longing for something more. She had to admit to herself that he deserved to find that fulfilment with someone else, so she did the only thing she could think of and pushed him away. It tore her heart out, but she convinced herself it was the right thing to do, that it was for the best.

She shakes her head, swallowing back her tears. "Don't do this. Please."

"I have to." His knuckles slide gently down over her cheek before he cups her jaw in his hand and presses his forehead to hers. "You're my everything, Veronica. I can't live without you. I don't want to."

"Even though it means no kids?"

He nods. "Even though it means no kids."

She closes her eyes, trying to sort through the jumble of confused emotions overwhelming her. She's about to open them again, resolved and ready to tell him once more that they can't do this, that it won't work, but then his mouth is on hers, warm and tender and filled with love, all his emotions poured into it, and her reservations fly out of the window.

Feeling him pressed against her, his lips moving over hers, his fingers caressing her skin, it's… well, it's like coming home. She might have been the one to make the heart-breaking decision to end their marriage four months ago, but that doesn't mean she hasn't been dying inside without him.

Her hand comes up to loop around his neck as she shifts closer to him, hooking her leg around his hip. He mumbles something unintelligible against her mouth, then slips his hand down to slide around her waist, tugging her against him.

"I've missed you," he whispers, breaking the kiss for a moment.

He tightens his grip on her waist and rolls onto his back, bringing her with him. She straddles his hips, still kissing him, her upper body pressed against his. His palms flatten against her back, sliding lower until they're cupping her bottom. He's hard against her and she feels a responding throbbing between her legs, her stomach muscles tightening and her heart starting to pound in anticipation.

Logan grins against her mouth, a soft chuckle escaping his lips, and she pulls back, looking down at him in puzzlement. "What's so funny?"

"Good thing we got rid of that pillow barrier last night, huh?"

She tries to keep a straight face, but his delighted expression and the crazy rollercoaster of emotions she's experiencing right now mean she can't help but smile back.

"Good thing," she agrees, letting her fingers trail down over his naked chest as she sits up. "So, uh, what happened to the shirt you went to bed in last night?"

He shrugs, his hands coming to her thighs and moving slowly upwards. "Too hot."

"I think we need to level the playing field," she says airily as she pulls her own shirt over her head.

Logan's gaze takes in her bare torso greedily, his hands moving to her hips now, fingers briefly dipping into the waistband of her boy shorts before they slide up her sides and cup her breasts. Her eyes close at the sensation of his fingers and thumbs rolling her nipples between them and her hips jerk involuntarily against his arousal.

He groans. "God, Veronica."

She let him continue for a moment longer before lifting off him. She tugs off her underwear, as he shimmies out of his boxers, then returns to her previous position, and then suddenly they're naked and in bed together, and it's such a surreal mix of old and new that it startles her for a moment.

"You okay?" Logan asks, his thumbs gently stroking her waist.

"Uh huh." She nods quickly. "Just… um, you are still clean, right?"

"Of course." He looks affronted. "What, you think after everything we went through, I would just go and find someone else to sleep with?"

"Well, no, but—"

"I mean, are _you_ clean?" he interrupts.

She lets out an offended gasp. "I can't believe you would ask me that."

"My point exactly," he shoots back.

Veronica sighs. "Sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"No, you shouldn't."

She looks down at him, immediately doubting what they're doing, and starts to move off him. "This was a bad idea."

"No fucking way." He stops her, pulling her back on top of him. "You're not getting out of this now."

She huffs. "Well, maybe I don't want to anymore."

He studies her with an appraising gaze, before shaking his head. "Nope, you still want to. I can see it in your eyes."

"Oh, fuck off, Logan," she mutters, though there's no heat behind the words.

"No, fuck _me_ ," he counters suggestively. "You know you're dying to."

Veronica opens her mouth to protest, but she can't deny it. She _does_ want him. So much that her body is trembling with desire and she's already dripping wet.

"All right," she says, her voice low and silky now. "Let's fuck."

Without waiting for him to respond, she positions him at her centre, and sinks down, letting out a soft, contented sigh at the feel of him filling her again after so long.

"God…" groans Logan, fingers sinking into her hips as he starts to guide her movements.

"Yes…" Veronica whispers, finding the rhythm she likes.

Logan's hands leave her hips then, reaching for her hands and linking their fingers, allowing her to push down on him for leverage. He lets her move like that for a few long seconds, before tugging on her hands and bringing her down to his chest. She smiles down at him, pinning his hands against the pillows, her fingers tightening around his as she kisses him deeply.

It feels so good to be with him like this again, like they used to be, before all the fertility appointments and injections and unfulfilling sex. It's exhilarating.

As Logan thrusts up into her, he gently tugs his hands from beneath hers, and brings them around her back, holding her close for a moment, before flipping them over so he's on top. Supporting himself on his elbows, he looks down at her, his gaze warm and loving, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

"I love you," he murmurs before kissing her gently.

Her eyes flutter closed, all kinds of feelings swirling around inside her, as she whispers, "I love you, too."

The tranquil moment is broken however, when Logan starts to move faster, hitting that sweet spot inside her with every thrust, and she soon feels herself tipping over the edge. He follows shortly after, collapsing above her, and Veronica's arms come around him, holding on tight as she rides out the waves and tingles spreading through her entire body.

They lie together for several long moments, until their breathing has started to return to normal, and until Veronica has to push at his shoulder to get him to shift his weight off her. He rolls to the side, pulling her with him, and she goes eagerly, resting her head on his chest and sliding one leg over his, as he strokes her hair with his hand.

"So…" she starts after a moment of silence. "What happens now?"

"We try again," he says softly. "We make it work this time."

She nods, though a frown appears on her face. "So, what, you move back in and we just pretend the last four months never happened?"

"Not if you don't want me to," he says. "We can take things as fast or as slow as you want."

"Maybe we should get the rest of this weekend out of the way first," she suggests. "Work this out properly when we get back to New York."

"Sure. Whatever you want."

They lapse into silence again, Veronica savouring being back in Logan's arms once more. She's still a little hesitant about trying to make things work again—after all, nothing they tried before ever worked—but she also can't imagine never being with him like this again.

"I really do love you, you know?" he murmurs gently. "I wish we could go back and do it over, do it right."

"Yeah, me too." A thought occurs to her then. "Wait, is this why you refused to sign the divorce papers? And why you came here this weekend?"

He's quiet for a moment, before sighing. "Signing those papers would have meant it was final. Over. Forever. And I wasn't ready for that. We're meant to be, Veronica. For better or for worse, remember?"

"Yeah…"

"And I had to come. I couldn't give up on us." His voice is raw and Veronica has to blink back tears.

She shifts so she can look up at him. "I'm glad you didn't."

His lips twitch. "Well, our story is epic, right?"

She smiles. "Right."


End file.
